My Babies

I have been thinking about our adoption journey a lot lately. Hubby and I have always felt (and have been told by adoption professionals) that we have experienced the full gamet of experiences in our adoption journey. We have experienced a great deal of pain and loss, but in the end were blessed beyond belief. We have always hoped that our story would inspire and encourage those who are going through the journey and/or experiencing such losses.

We have always been fiercely private people, but adoption (and the homestudy process!) pretty much strips you of any form of privacy. You are completely exposed and vulnerable AND being judged... it is a very uncomfortable place to be. I remember telling hubby I would feel less exposed if I had just walked down the street naked in front of my neighbors. Sounds drastic, but it is how I felt - it is not an easy process.

A few weeks ago Hubby was contacted by a reporter who had heard about our adoption story and wanted to do a story on our family. "UGH!", was my initial thought. Just what we need, MORE people in our business knowing our entire life story. But, then, as we talked about it, we realized that this was a chance for us to encourage those "out there" going through the adoption process. To show them that there CAN be happy endings at the end of a long and painful journey. We agreed to be interviewed for the story.

A reporter came to the house to interview us about our adoption story and we spent about 3 hours with them telling them about the "ups & downs" of adoption. You NEVER forget what you felt while waiting for your children... how painful the holidays are (especially Mothers Day!) or what you felt in those stinging moments (or days) of loss. Even the reporter was in tears with us at one point, as we talked about losing our daughter. We had no idea what direction the reporter was going to go with the story, but told her that it was important to us that it be encouraging for those reading it. After the interview, we kept thinking about all of the possible ways it could go so wrong...or what we hoped would or wouldn't be in the article... UGH!

As many times as we have talked about our adoption story, it never becomes any less emotional for us. It takes us right back to those moments and those feelings. I think that is why I haven't really gotten into the nitty-gritty of how our children came to find us here on this blog, yet. I need to mentally prepare myself to be overwhelmed with emotion for a bit when I do sit down to write it. It is an emotional story, but one I am going to write soon. :)

Oh, I forgot to mention, the first line of the article about our family started out:

"Faith loves being a mommy. She's got that glow so many new mothers have.
You can see it, just past the slightly tired eyes as she laughs with the
toddlers crawling on her lap, competing for her attention. Her babies..."

MY BABIES. I just love seeing it in black & white!!!! In days past I would have likely been a bit bothered by the "tired eyes" remark, but now I feel like it is a confirmation of being a good mom. And being a mom. The most amazing, exhausting and overwhelming-in-every-way thing I have ever done. Something I wasn't sure would ever happen. I LOVE BEING A MOMMY!!!!

We survived our first year as parents of "twins"!

So I haven't posted in a really long time. Life with the "twins" is far more chaotic than I would have imagined possible! Yesterday was our son's "GOTCHA" Day anniversary. (The one-year mark of when we first brought him home.) I didn't think it would be such a big deal to me, but I feel a sense of accomplishment. I'm not sure why - maybe because I actually survived a year with virtual twins! LOL

Last night I was reflecting on the last year of joyous chaos. Initially, when the babies were babies and we were naive parents, people with twins or multiples would tell me "it gets easier in some ways and harder in others." The munchkins turned "1" last month and I think I can say with full certainty: those people lied! LOL It's funny, but it's true. The more mobile the munchkins became, the harder it became to get anything else done. I couldn't put them in their swing or on a blanket on the floor and know they would be in the same place 2 minutes later. I can't fold laundry and put it in a basket on the floor and know it will be there 30 seconds after I put it in the basket. I didn't have to do at least 2 loads of laundry A DAY. Back when the munchkins were less mobile and stubborn: they didn't fight over toys, they didn't push each other down or pull each others hair, they weren't trying to tear down the blinds on the windows or sliding glass door, they weren't picky about what they ate for lunch - and they didn't throw food or bottles across the kitchen if they didn't like or want it. If I had to change one baby's diaper, I knew exactly where the other baby was. Today, they feel like 16 year olds (in one year old bodies) conspiring against Mommy & Daddy!! They really are sneaky. When BabyGirl climbs up the toyshelf, BigBoy keeps a look-out. As soon as he sees Mommy &/or Daddy, he will make a sound to alert BabyGirl that they are caught. BabyGirl will then slowly lower herself back to the ground and they both back away from whatever it is she was climbing. Sneaky!! They're too smart for their own good!!!

Parenthood is amazing, but exhausting, especially with the "Double-Trouble" team. I thought I would sleep more as the kids got older and began to sleep through the night. Nope. Now the things I can't get done while the kids are awake and getting into E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G I have to do after they are in bed. It's a good night if I am able to get to bed by 1:00a.m. and then back up with the kids at 7:00a.m. (I used to be one of those people who didn't function well on less than 8-10 hours of sleep a night!) "Me" time is pretty much non-existent, which is a huge adjustment. It is tough when you don't have a lot of friends and family in the area to help out or give you a break every now and then. Hubby and I just have to rely on each other and make sure we take care of each other, too. I have looked for "Mom Groups" in the area, but apparently there are not any accepting any new members at this point, or their activities are a little too advanced for 1 year olds. (Bowling? The ball weighs almost as much as the kids!)

So, now that the munchkins are a year old and on a decent sleep/nap schedule, I'm going to try to "blog" on a regular basis. I know I have found a lot of insight, ideas, support and encouragement reading other "multiple moms" blogs, so I think I'm now at a point where perhaps I can offer the same support and advice to other moms. I also want to encourage other adoptive families out there, both those who have adopted and those who are starting the process. :) There are so many things I know now, that I wish we had known when we started the adoption process!!!

So, hang on and prepare to laugh. I must say, our munchkins are a lot of work, but they are also our joy. They are so funny and make us laugh every single day.

A recent day at the park

Slow progress

Well, we *think* we have decided to contract with a "facilitator" to assist us in our Adoption Journey. We haven't signed any papers yet - we are still hopeful we can find a birthmother on our own (through friends, family or here!), but realistically, independent adoptions usually only happen if you can find a birthmother on your own. Most matches are made through "friend of a friend" or family members who know someone who chooses to create an adoption plan for their baby.

It it is difficult to find birthparents/parents who wish to place a child for adoption. We're trying to be patient, but it's difficult... to want something so desperately and yet be at the mercy of another person - someone we have never met, and to have no timeline or any idea when it will happen is difficult.

It is exciting, but we try not to let ourselves get too excited, because we don't want to be disappointed.

We want so much to be parents and share our love and world with a child. We are open to as much openness our "birthfamily" may want - from letters and pictures to occasional visits, whatever makes her most comfortable. People often ask us what 'type' of "baby" we would like, or what sex. We are open - if we were pregnant, we wouldn't have a choice as to the gender or what they look like (other than that the baby would likely look like one of both of us.) We hope for a healthy child - it doesn't even have to be an infant. We are open to twins and sibling groups also, and almost any adoption situations.

If you or anyone you know is interested in speaking with us more, please leave a comment. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)

The Journey Begins

I have always known that someday I would adopt - from the time I was about 5 years old, I just KNEW I would someday adopt a child. From the very depths of my soul, I have always known it is something I am meant to do. So much so that when I would date someone, I would often inquire as to their thoughts on adoption. Even when I was a teenager, I knew that whomever I ended up sharing my life with, had to have the same passion for adoption that I do. When I met my husband ("J") and our relationship began to "blossom", I asked him one night on the phone: "How do you feel about adoption??" His response; "I'm all for it - I think it is great!" Then I clarified, "how do you feel about adopting for yourself - your own children?" His response: "ABSOLUTELY!" I was sooooo relieved - I knew he was an incredible guy and I was so hopeful he would feel the same way about adoption as I do.

It was imperative to me that whomever I chose to share my life with feel the same way. Fortunately for me, he does! He truly is an amazing, loving and caring man and I know one day he will make an incredible dad! At times I am astounded at what a patient and genuinely kind and caring man he is - he truly is a gentleman. I know that whether we adopt a son or a daughter (or both!) they will be blessed beyond belief. I cannot imagine a better role model for a young man growing up, or a better example of how a many should treat a woman than "J". He has such an amazing heart! I am so blessed to share my life with him! (I will post more about what an incredible guy he is and why he would be an incredible father more in the near future, but I want to share more about our adoption journey here now.)

When we were first married, we knew we did not want to start our family immediately -we wanted to spend a couple of years getting to know each other and just having fun! We truly are best friends and love being together and sharing the little things. We lived overseas when we were first married. We had absolutely nothing - a borrowed bed, a freebie couch someone had given us, but we had a LOT of love. We used to do things together, like play cardgames (UNO), Trivial Pursuit, etc, go for walks on the German countryside, and just enjoy spending time together. We would drive to nearby villages, castles, festivals, etc., just to explore and share the experience. I think having those first few years together without children truly solidfied our relationship - we didn't have children to talk about - we just had each other. You often hear that people "stay together for the kids", but even if we would have a disagreement about something (which really was pretty rare because we are both pretty mellow/laidback people - and knew the other person didn't mean to upset the other person), we would have never ever considered divorce. We have always known that we have a very special love.

The first five/six years of marriage gave us time to truly get to know each other , enjoy each other's company and truly create a beautiful foundation of LOVE for our family. Then, few years ago, we decided that we had so much love for each other, wouldn't it be amazing to share this love with a child? We were more 'settled' and established and felt as if we were ready to share our lives and love with children. Life is such an amazing gift, with each day to be experienced and enjoyed - we want so much to be able to share our love, and God's love with a child. "J" and I both take such joy in the smallest/simplest things and want to teach a child to find joy in everything...to see God in everything. I think it is SOO incredibly important for a child to always know they are loved beyond belief and that no matter what happens in life they will always be loved, supported and ALWAYS have a 'soft place to land.'

We began to put the pieces into place to adopt a couple of years ago. Initially, since my husband grew up without a father and had no other biological family, we decided that while we started looking into adoption, we would also 'try' to conceive the good old fashioned way. I went to the doctor and did all of the things you are supposed to do before you knowing 'try' to get pregnant. I was taking prenatal vitamins, eating healthy, exercising, etc., but after several months of being off of birthcontrol and a couple of hospitalizations, it became evident that having a child the "old fashioned way" was not going to happen. The doctors suggested some other very invasive procedures, which could 'possibly' work. After a great deal of discussion and prayer, we decided that we did not wish to go that route. Perhaps this conviction to adopt, which I have had since I was a child, was God's way of preparing me for the fact that I may not be able to have children naturally... and surprisingly, we were both okay with that. We weren't disappointed, We weren't angry... We felt like it was confirmation of something we had known all along - our destiny was to grow our family through adoption. It is actually kind of exciting to be so certain of something so powerful and so beautiful.

We have spent most of the last two years since then preparing our home and life for a child. We bought a large home in the suburbs with a park down the street, in hopes of filling it with lots of little giggles, laughter, birthday parties, dress-up parties and team parties, etc. We bought a 'sensible' family car which would easily accomodate a carseat, with all of the safety-ratings, etc. We even began to evaluate EVERY purchase from a "is it kid-friendly?" perspective. We have had hundreds of hours of conversations about how our life will change when we do have a child, but we cannot wait!!

The holidays last year were very tough for both of us. We both LOVE the holidays and go 'all-out', decorating, getting a fresh tree, trimming the tree, singing to Christmas carols, etc., but this year, there was a hint of sadness to it. We wanted so much to share the fun, joy, excitement and TRUE meaning of Christmas with a child. Remembering the joy and excitement we felt as a child made us want to share our own traditions with a child(ren) even more. Since the holidays are all about Family to us, we decided to fly some of our family out here for Christmas. First it was my Mom & Dad, then my Sister and then we flew my kid brother and his girlfriend out too. We wanted to share this special time with people so special to us - and it was WONDERFUL, but we still felt the sadness and emptyness of not having our own child to share it with. "J" and I decided then that we would start this process and work towards making this dream of adoption a reality.

So, I have been contacting facilitators, attorneys, agencies, homestudy agencies, etc., to TRULY begin the process. We would like to have a child before the holidays this year, but we realize it is quite a stretch, since it is such a long process, but we are ready for whatever it brings our way. The information from all of these sources could be overwhelming, but we will be going to get our fingerprints and background check initiated in the next two weeks, then we meet with a social worker to complete our homestudy two weeks after that...SOooooooooo... The journey has begun. Please wish us luck and keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We have no doubt this will continue to be an emotional and at times difficult rollercoaster-of-a-ride experience, but we can't wait! Anything worth the effort, is worth the work to accomplish it. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we take this truly life-changing journey.

So, as I end my very first post, if you or anyone you know is pregnant and considering adoption, please provide them with our blogger info and leave a comment here. More to come soon - including pictures and posts from "J". Thank You for stopping by and taking the time to read this!! God Bless!