We have always been fiercely private people, but adoption (and the homestudy process!) pretty much strips you of any form of privacy. You are completely exposed and vulnerable AND being judged... it is a very uncomfortable place to be. I remember telling hubby I would feel less exposed if I had just walked down the street naked in front of my neighbors. Sounds drastic, but it is how I felt - it is not an easy process.
A few weeks ago Hubby was contacted by a reporter who had heard about our adoption story and wanted to do a story on our family. "UGH!", was my initial thought. Just what we need, MORE people in our business knowing our entire life story. But, then, as we talked about it, we realized that this was a chance for us to encourage those "out there" going through the adoption process. To show them that there CAN be happy endings at the end of a long and painful journey. We agreed to be interviewed for the story.
A reporter came to the house to interview us about our adoption story and we spent about 3 hours with them telling them about the "ups & downs" of adoption. You NEVER forget what you felt while waiting for your children... how painful the holidays are (especially Mothers Day!) or what you felt in those stinging moments (or days) of loss. Even the reporter was in tears with us at one point, as we talked about losing our daughter. We had no idea what direction the reporter was going to go with the story, but told her that it was important to us that it be encouraging for those reading it. After the interview, we kept thinking about all of the possible ways it could go so wrong...or what we hoped would or wouldn't be in the article... UGH!
As many times as we have talked about our adoption story, it never becomes any less emotional for us. It takes us right back to those moments and those feelings. I think that is why I haven't really gotten into the nitty-gritty of how our children came to find us here on this blog, yet. I need to mentally prepare myself to be overwhelmed with emotion for a bit when I do sit down to write it. It is an emotional story, but one I am going to write soon. :)
Oh, I forgot to mention, the first line of the article about our family started out:
"Faith loves being a mommy. She's got that glow so many new mothers have.
You can see it, just past the slightly tired eyes as she laughs with the
toddlers crawling on her lap, competing for her attention. Her babies..."
MY BABIES. I just love seeing it in black & white!!!! In days past I would have likely been a bit bothered by the "tired eyes" remark, but now I feel like it is a confirmation of being a good mom. And being a mom. The most amazing, exhausting and overwhelming-in-every-way thing I have ever done. Something I wasn't sure would ever happen. I LOVE BEING A MOMMY!!!!