My Babies

I have been thinking about our adoption journey a lot lately. Hubby and I have always felt (and have been told by adoption professionals) that we have experienced the full gamet of experiences in our adoption journey. We have experienced a great deal of pain and loss, but in the end were blessed beyond belief. We have always hoped that our story would inspire and encourage those who are going through the journey and/or experiencing such losses.

We have always been fiercely private people, but adoption (and the homestudy process!) pretty much strips you of any form of privacy. You are completely exposed and vulnerable AND being judged... it is a very uncomfortable place to be. I remember telling hubby I would feel less exposed if I had just walked down the street naked in front of my neighbors. Sounds drastic, but it is how I felt - it is not an easy process.

A few weeks ago Hubby was contacted by a reporter who had heard about our adoption story and wanted to do a story on our family. "UGH!", was my initial thought. Just what we need, MORE people in our business knowing our entire life story. But, then, as we talked about it, we realized that this was a chance for us to encourage those "out there" going through the adoption process. To show them that there CAN be happy endings at the end of a long and painful journey. We agreed to be interviewed for the story.

A reporter came to the house to interview us about our adoption story and we spent about 3 hours with them telling them about the "ups & downs" of adoption. You NEVER forget what you felt while waiting for your children... how painful the holidays are (especially Mothers Day!) or what you felt in those stinging moments (or days) of loss. Even the reporter was in tears with us at one point, as we talked about losing our daughter. We had no idea what direction the reporter was going to go with the story, but told her that it was important to us that it be encouraging for those reading it. After the interview, we kept thinking about all of the possible ways it could go so wrong...or what we hoped would or wouldn't be in the article... UGH!

As many times as we have talked about our adoption story, it never becomes any less emotional for us. It takes us right back to those moments and those feelings. I think that is why I haven't really gotten into the nitty-gritty of how our children came to find us here on this blog, yet. I need to mentally prepare myself to be overwhelmed with emotion for a bit when I do sit down to write it. It is an emotional story, but one I am going to write soon. :)

Oh, I forgot to mention, the first line of the article about our family started out:

"Faith loves being a mommy. She's got that glow so many new mothers have.
You can see it, just past the slightly tired eyes as she laughs with the
toddlers crawling on her lap, competing for her attention. Her babies..."

MY BABIES. I just love seeing it in black & white!!!! In days past I would have likely been a bit bothered by the "tired eyes" remark, but now I feel like it is a confirmation of being a good mom. And being a mom. The most amazing, exhausting and overwhelming-in-every-way thing I have ever done. Something I wasn't sure would ever happen. I LOVE BEING A MOMMY!!!!

We survived our first year as parents of "twins"!

So I haven't posted in a really long time. Life with the "twins" is far more chaotic than I would have imagined possible! Yesterday was our son's "GOTCHA" Day anniversary. (The one-year mark of when we first brought him home.) I didn't think it would be such a big deal to me, but I feel a sense of accomplishment. I'm not sure why - maybe because I actually survived a year with virtual twins! LOL

Last night I was reflecting on the last year of joyous chaos. Initially, when the babies were babies and we were naive parents, people with twins or multiples would tell me "it gets easier in some ways and harder in others." The munchkins turned "1" last month and I think I can say with full certainty: those people lied! LOL It's funny, but it's true. The more mobile the munchkins became, the harder it became to get anything else done. I couldn't put them in their swing or on a blanket on the floor and know they would be in the same place 2 minutes later. I can't fold laundry and put it in a basket on the floor and know it will be there 30 seconds after I put it in the basket. I didn't have to do at least 2 loads of laundry A DAY. Back when the munchkins were less mobile and stubborn: they didn't fight over toys, they didn't push each other down or pull each others hair, they weren't trying to tear down the blinds on the windows or sliding glass door, they weren't picky about what they ate for lunch - and they didn't throw food or bottles across the kitchen if they didn't like or want it. If I had to change one baby's diaper, I knew exactly where the other baby was. Today, they feel like 16 year olds (in one year old bodies) conspiring against Mommy & Daddy!! They really are sneaky. When BabyGirl climbs up the toyshelf, BigBoy keeps a look-out. As soon as he sees Mommy &/or Daddy, he will make a sound to alert BabyGirl that they are caught. BabyGirl will then slowly lower herself back to the ground and they both back away from whatever it is she was climbing. Sneaky!! They're too smart for their own good!!!

Parenthood is amazing, but exhausting, especially with the "Double-Trouble" team. I thought I would sleep more as the kids got older and began to sleep through the night. Nope. Now the things I can't get done while the kids are awake and getting into E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G I have to do after they are in bed. It's a good night if I am able to get to bed by 1:00a.m. and then back up with the kids at 7:00a.m. (I used to be one of those people who didn't function well on less than 8-10 hours of sleep a night!) "Me" time is pretty much non-existent, which is a huge adjustment. It is tough when you don't have a lot of friends and family in the area to help out or give you a break every now and then. Hubby and I just have to rely on each other and make sure we take care of each other, too. I have looked for "Mom Groups" in the area, but apparently there are not any accepting any new members at this point, or their activities are a little too advanced for 1 year olds. (Bowling? The ball weighs almost as much as the kids!)

So, now that the munchkins are a year old and on a decent sleep/nap schedule, I'm going to try to "blog" on a regular basis. I know I have found a lot of insight, ideas, support and encouragement reading other "multiple moms" blogs, so I think I'm now at a point where perhaps I can offer the same support and advice to other moms. I also want to encourage other adoptive families out there, both those who have adopted and those who are starting the process. :) There are so many things I know now, that I wish we had known when we started the adoption process!!!

So, hang on and prepare to laugh. I must say, our munchkins are a lot of work, but they are also our joy. They are so funny and make us laugh every single day.

This poem speaks my heart...

Here is a wonderful poem a friend forwarded to us - I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. :)
It speaks my heart.
Faith
____________________
I Will Be A Wonderful Mother - By: Author Unknown

There are women who become mothers without effort,
without thought,
without patience or loss,
and though they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover.

I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.

My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.

I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.
I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.
I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

-Author Unknown